Be Someone's Biggest Super Fan

And, remind them about it constantly.

I think one of the most valuable things in my relationship with Ben is the fact that we are both each other’s biggest fans. We believe it, we remind each other about it, and everyone around us knows it…whether you’re one of our children seeing it in action, or a stranger listening to a podcast or reading something online from us.

I talk to women in the locker room about how great of a dad he is. He delivers talks to our members about how great my cooking is and how much he appreciates the way I keep our house clean and organized. I remind our kids how hard he works to give us the things we have, especially when they complain about what they don’t have. He tells his CompTrain leadership team about how my unconditional love for him was his safe place when business was stressful. I tell him that, if he dies before me, I don’t think I could ever find someone I’m more attracted to than him. He tells me every day how hot he thinks I am.

And, no one thinks Ben is funnier than I think he is.

Ok, there’s one guy in the 9:30 class that might appreciate his Dad jokes more than me, but that’s just because he’s a Dad, too, and there’s no competing with that bond.

Life can be humbling. People can be mean. And, circumstances can leave us feeling insufficient and hopeless.

But, knowing that there’s someone in the world…at least one person…that’s crazy about you, would go anywhere and do anything with you, and reminds you and anyone that will listen about your greatest qualities when all you’re doing is dwelling on your worst ones? That’s the sort of relationship that lifts me up, that fills my cup in a way that makes me want to run around filling everyone else’s cup so they feel as noticed and necessary and celebrated as Ben makes me feel.

Don’t get me wrong. The man makes me crazy in a not-so-celebratory way, too. But, I suspect that may have more to do with me actually being crazy, than his supposed behavior that drives me to that place.

But, when something is off in our relationship, I am not the one you’ll find in the locker room “complaining about my husband”. I will rarely even seek out a girlfriend to talk to, unless it’s something I can’t sit with myself and figure out on my own for a couple of days. But, if and when I do decide to talk to someone about what’s going on, it’s never in an attacking, gossipy way. It is respectful and driven by a desire to make sense of a situation that I can’t make sense of on my own.

Because how hurtful would it feel if I overheard him attacking and gossiping about me in the men’s room? How deceitful would it feel if I heard him complaining about me to his buddy on the phone? And, how many other aspects of who he is would I question if I felt like I couldn’t trust the things he was saying about me when I wasn’t there?

The most convincing thing, though, is when people tell me about something great he said to them about me…after he told me the same thing, but I felt like he might just saying it to me to be nice.

Be someone’s biggest super fan. Believe it. Remind them about it constantly. And, let the whole world know about it.